


The Storm

by Ranzatsu



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Schizophrenia, a reupload of a vent fic i wrote
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25370476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ranzatsu/pseuds/Ranzatsu
Summary: He could hear sounds swirling around him until they formed a picture, it was colourful and it rippled and waved like the ocean but he couldn’t make it out. He moved nearer and nearer so he could reach out but the closer he got the farther he felt.
Kudos: 17





	The Storm

**Author's Note:**

> A reupload of 'The Storm' I wrote last year, I deleted it a while ago out of paranoia but since a nice anon asked if I could link it to them I decided to post it again :)
> 
> I have schizophrenia and this was intended as a vent fic and I didn't realise others would find it comforting so I'll absolutely be keeping this one on here!

He didn’t like getting like this if he was being honest, which he usually was. It was when his head was full and the noise felt heavy and scratchy and just awful, he connected things that didn’t make sense to anyone else, things he  _ knew  _ were ridiculous but he couldn’t help but believe them. Insight was always a saviour of sort, as long as it lasted that is.

He did completely lose touch with reality once a couple of years back when the illness first began, but not so long ago he thought, he was lucky he was still around his relatives at that point if he was off someplace where not a soul knew him he didn’t know what he would have done. The thought  _ scared _ him a little but his relatives had helped him through it and he was glad an aunt of his knew what was happening.

Joxter could feel his head getting heavier and noisier and it’s usually at this point he finds somewhere quiet and curls up to sleep, he was good at sleeping and he didn’t know how else to handle it so he figured  _ if he was asleep then he couldn’t think.  _

He could see the Muddler sorting his collection, though if he did have a sorting system was a question for another day. Muddler called to him catching his gaze.  
“Where are you going? It’s such a nice day out you know!” he didn’t sound like he was trying to pry, perhaps he was just a little concerned?

Joxter pulled his hat down a little. “Don’t concern yourself with me, Muddler. I just need a little quiet, that’s all.”

“Oh, alright. You just look a little out of it, is everything alright?”

“Yes, I’m just tired I suppose.” he didn’t want to lie but he didn’t think he could handle a conversation at the moment so before the Muddler could give a reply he walked off heading towards the back of the ship. There he climbed into one of the many boxes, pulled the lid shut and got comfortable, he closed his eyes and tried his best to ignore his noisy and overlapping thoughts until he was able to fall asleep.

  
  
He could hear sounds swirling around him until they formed a picture, it was colourful and it rippled and waved like the ocean but he couldn’t make it out. He moved nearer and nearer so he could reach out but the closer he got the farther he felt. Then it all went black and he could feel a pain coming from somewhere.

He groggily opened his eyes and sat up, it took him a moment to realise that the pain was coming from the back of his head and another moment to feel how the oshun oxtra was rocking about to and fro, it clicked, he must have banged his head.

His head was still heavy but it wasn’t the only thing that was noisy now, he could hear the roar of the waves as they smashed harshly into the ship. His nap did help somewhat but he wasn’t sure it would last, not with this storm tossing them about.

He lifted the lid and climbed out of the box, he was greeted with dark skies and a strong wind that he felt could carry him away if he let it. It was sad such a nice day turned into something so bitter. Or maybe that’s just how he felt..

They seemed to be sailing on the edge of the storm avoiding the center, the waves weren’t as nasty here as they would’ve been there. The rain was fine rather than heavy but did a good job of getting every spot it could wet.

“Moomin!” he called to the young troll who seemed to be keeping an ever watchful eye on the storm. “Moomin, how long have we been heading through this storm?”

“Oh not long I should think, it did come out of nowhere. So where have you been Joxter? I haven’t seen you for a few hours now.” Moomin didn’t tear his gaze from the waves.

“Oh, just about. Keeping an eye out for park keepers or policemen on boats, the usual.” he smiled softly even though his mind was still a mess. 

Moomin looked at him, smiling knowingly. “Sleeping again? If you were just say so.”

Joxter wandered over to the side where Moomin was, the waves knocking the oshun oxtra about made it a little hard to walk. He placed his hands onto the railing and peered into the oceans belligerent waves. 

He watched the waves as they crashed into the ship, Moomin turned to him but Joxter was the one staying fixed on the water this time.   
“Muddler said you seemed a bit off earlier, your not feeling poorly are you?”

“Oh?” was all the answer he could get, he frowned huffing a little and began to wonder if all mumriks were like this, isolating themselves in more ways than one.

Moomin’s thoughts were interrupted when Joxter called his name. He was pointing at the waves just in front of them.   
“Look Moomin, there’s something bobbing in the waves there! Can you see it?”

Moomin looked to where he was pointing, he looked as hard as he could.   
“Are you sure? I can’t see anything.” he looked again but still nothing. “What does it look like?”

“It’s..” Joxter leaned in a little closer trying to get a better look. 

It came into view.

Horror washed over the Joxter’s face, he stumbled and fell back gripping his head between his hands and shutting his eyes tight, he rested his chin on his knees and was aware his chest was heaving though he still felt like he couldn’t breath.

He knew Moomin was calling to him but all he could feel was  _ fear _ , thats is, until a pair of white comforting paws were placed around his shoulders gently, he startled at the touch but slowly eased into it. It was grounding.

Clearer thoughts were able to enter his mind once he began to calm a little. He hallucinated. It seemed so….  _ real _ . He didn’t hallucinate often and when he did it was  _ never as horrifying as that was. _ He wasn’t okay. How had he hidden this for so long? Why was asking for help so  _ hard? _ Maybe he was just scared, scared of what others would think, or rather…. What his friends would think. The Muddler has anxiety so he  _ knew  _ they’d be supportive but the rest of him screamed beliefs of persecutory nature. He could talk about his relatives or his like for doing forbidden things for ages but when it specifically concerned himself and how he was…..

His breathing was closer to normal now so Moomin helped him to his feet, Joxter didn’t say anything but nodded when Moomin asked him if he could walk. He thought it best to get his friend out of the rain so he began to lead him to the cabin helping him along. Muddler was hidden away in his tin which is where he usually was when storms came along, unless he was needed. Might be for the best, Moomin thought to himself, he and Hodgkins could handle this for now.

Hodgkins was doing his best to steer them around the storm, they were enough of a safe distance away from it for him to be able to leave it for a moment, someone else was in need of his attention at the moment he thought as he watched Moomin and Joxter come up the stairs to the cabin.

Moomin opened the door, closing it behind him once they were both inside. Joxter hid his face behind the brim of his hat as Moomin ushered him to the couch, both were considerably wet but neither were concerned about that just yet. Moomin sat down next to the Joxter and Hodgkins turned his attention to them.

“Joxter, my friend, tell me what’s happened?” Moomin asked as he wiped the tears from the side of the mumriks face, “what’s gotten you into such a state?”

Joxter looked at Moomin then tried his best to rid himself of the tears that he didn’t know had started. When had he started crying? He rubbed them away with his sleeve like as if it would rid him of all his problems.

Hodgkins sat on the other side of him. “I’ve known you a while Joxter. I notice you have some very off days and it’s alright to come to us if you need.” Hodgkins was sharp, of course he noticed.

Joxter looked down away from his friends as more tears threatened to fall but he spoke, he needed to. He told them everything, the hallucination he saw, his delusions, how he felt, how it started, everything. He even mentioned how he once tried to tell the Muddler but couldn’t as the words had become stuck in his throat. They listened to all he said, never interrupting once. 

When he was done he trembled, though that was now more from the fact that he was cold from being wet, he anxiously waited for a response. 

A hand was placed on his shoulder, it was soft and reassuring. “I’m glad you were able to tell us.” Hodgkins said. Moomin placed a paw onto his other shoulder and agreed vehemently.

His face was probably already red from crying but that didn’t stop more tears from falling, how did he make friends with such good people? He wiped his face again.

Hodgkins held his arms out to him, he never gave hugs often so Joxter accepted it. He felt better and he was glad he had such friends, no,  _ family _ was more like it.

The embrace broke when Moomin sneezed suddenly. Moomin huffed.  
“Goodness! One of us catching a cold is about the last thing we need!”

Joxter smiled. “Moomin, you sneeze like a kitten.”

Moomin scoffed and pulled Joxter’s hat further down his face which earned the troll a small laugh.

They both ended up with a bit of a cold the next day, they warmed themselves up with some tea and Joxter told Muddler about everything. Muddler fretted and hugged him and spilled tea everywhere but overall was supportive.

Joxter didn’t feel far anymore. He felt close. Close with his family.

  
  



End file.
